Turtgurl (turtgurl) wrote,

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When did I become a shut-in?

There's probably something wrong with me.  Suddenly, I'm the girl who won't leave the house--except for work and food.  At first it was just too hard to coordinate schedules with people and then we lived too far away and then I didn't have any money and that quickly became "well, it's mean to leave the dog home alone for that long" and now it's just easier to stay home.  It's not that I don't want to go out with my friends.  I adore my friends. And it's not that I physically can't go out.  I obviously have the physical ability to get off my ass and leave.  It's more like this kind of mental block that even though I want to go and hang out with people I haven't seen in forever, it's just--I don't really know.  Part of it is that I'm afraid that I don't really want to go and I only think I want to go out of obligation and then I'm just going to Roommate R the whole situation and no one wants to hang out with Roommate R.  But deep down, I know that it's not just obligation that makes me want to go.  I really do want to go even if it is just to listen to gypsy folk music at the Lake Harriet Bandshell.  I just can't.  And I try to tell myself that I just need to go and it will be fun once I get there, but I still just can't.  And then that makes me sad and makes me feel like a really bad friend, which I'm not trying to be, I just am, I guess.  I can't even tell you the last time I went out with friends.  Wait, that's not true--a few weeks ago we went up to Monticello for supper.  Never mind.  I guess I'm a good friend after all.  Whew!
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